Ellie's Joke Book of Magical Properties
by ShipWreckedDreams
Summary: In between all the action and adventure of Joel and Ellie's trip back to Tommy's, Ellie just wants to lighten the mood with a few jokes, and hopefully make Joel laugh.
1. Sticks and Policemen

Joel pulled the trigger on his shotgun, sending a round into the last man's skull, he watched as he crumpled to the ground and died an instantaneous death. That was the last of those military bastards. They are supposedly out to protect cities from Infected, but they wind up shooting at civilians instead.

Just like Ellie once said it was an 'Endure and Survive' world, and the way the military was surviving was wasting bullets on humans. It was fine though, they were all dead now and Ellie stood up from where she had been crouched behind a car.

She set her gun back in it's holster, and he watched as her eyes scanned the massacre of people now littering the streets.

"Wow, that was intense man," were the only words she could find, as she shifted from one foot to the other.

Joel sighed deeply and ran his fingers through his hair, "Yeah, but we're safe now that's all that matters. Let's keep going."

They were heading back towards's Tommy's in hope to find a place to stay where they wouldn't have to live in fear everyday of their life.

"Want to hear another one?" Ellie proposed, as they made their way through the city.

He felt his eyebrows furrow and asked turning around to face her, "Another wh-" He caught a glimpse of the worn joke book that she towed around everywhere in her hands and muttered, "Another one of those damn jokes," he muttered, chuckling lightly under his breath.

Ellie hurried up to catch up with him. "Hey they aren't that bad. So how bout' it? It will lighten the mood."

Joel shook his head, as he scoured the area for stray bullets, "No thanks, Ellie."

She groaned in frustration, "Come on Joel, I'm just going to tell one anyways, just pretend to listen at least, okay?" She asked. He listened to the sound of her flipping through the pages until he heard her chuckle. Then he knew she found one that she liked.

"Okay here's a good one," she paused waiting for him to pay attention.

Joel turned to her trying to hide a grin that was already growing on his face, "Hit me."

"What's brown and sticky?" She asked, trying to hold back a chuckle.

He sighed not even attempting to think of an answer, "What?"

Her small smile turned into a full on grin as she answered, "A stick."

Joel held back a laugh, it wasn't even funny, in all honesty it was dumb. "Ellie, that joke book of yours is dumb," he mumbled. Then he went back to checking for items.

"Okay, fine you're right, that one was kind of dumb. I got a really good one this time though. I swear," she said flipping the page.

"I have a feeling you're going to tell it whether I agree or not, so knock em' dead," he said as they continued through the city.

She grinned and asked, "What does a policeman say to his tummy?"

Joel turned to her and shrugged, "What does he say?"

She made her voice deep and gruff and in her best policeman voice she uttered, "I've got you under a vest!"

That time he genuinely laughed and Ellie joined in. "See I told you it was a good one," she remarked happy that she made him laugh.

"Seriously though we need to throw that book away," Joel said, then added, "Soon."

She smirked at him lightly, "No way, this book has magical properties that actually makes you laugh. So I'm keeping it and I'm going to tell you at least one joke a day. . .until I run out that is," she said proudly.

Joel just went along his way muttering, "That day can't come soon enough."

* * *

**A/N Hope you enjoyed the jokes. There are a lot of serious fan fictions about the Last of Us so I thought I'd lighten the mood with a joke book fan fiction. I might add more chapters if people want me to. If not then it will just stay a one shot. (: Reviews are appreciated. Thanks.**  
**-Krista**


	2. Elephants and Rubber Toes

Joel began to fix up a fire with a few twigs and branches, and in no time the both of them were sitting in front of the flames. It was colder than it usually was, so the fire felt nice. The only thing Ellie was concerned with though, was the eerie silence that seemed to surround them, excluding the sound of the flames crackling.

"Wow," Ellie started, adding a few more twigs to the hungry flames.

Joel turned his head to look at her, "What?"

"Oh nothing, I was just realizing how bored I am," she said offering him a smirk.

"We live our lives on the run from Infected and bandits, and now that we have a moment of peace. . .you're bored?" Joel asked, the corners of his lips pulling up into a small grin.

She laughed, "What can I say, I have the attention span of a squirrel," she mumbled, poking at the ashes and the fire with a branch.

A few moments passed by and she piped up, "Oh! I have an idea," she grabbed for her backpack and listened to the sound of Joel groan.

"Let me guess it's comedy hour?" Joel asked just as Ellie pulled out her handy dandy joke book filled with jokes that were not always that funny. Still when she got to listen to Joel's laugh or see him smile, it made her feel better inside.

She sighed, moving a few strands of hair from her face, "Let me look for a good one."

"You know every time you say you have a good one, it always ends up being ridiculously dumb," he pointed out as she searched the pages for something funny.

"Not my fault, I didn't write this. And besides it's meant for five year olds so of course the jokes are going to be dumb, that's the fun of it," she said happily.

Finally she found one that she liked and asked, "Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?" She asked with so much excitement, Joel seemed slightly taken aback.

"Uh, I don't know, why did they get kicked out of the pool?" Joel asked amused.

Between a few chuckles Ellie answered, "They kept dropping their trunks!"

Joel held back a laugh and asked, "That's the best you can do?"

She feigned shock and said, "What you didn't like it? Pffft, I'll find a better one. You just wait."

Joel laid back into the cold grass that was slightly wet, but it was better than nothing. Ellie continued flipping through the worn pages of her book until she found another one.

"Okay this time, you're gonna' laugh, trust me," she promised, even though he probably wouldn't.

"You keep saying that and I'm still waiting," Joel said from his place in the grass.

"What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?"

He thought about it for a second and when he came up with nothing he asked, "What?"

"Roberto!" She exclaimed, a wide grin painted on her face. "Come on that one was a little funny, I mean it was cute at least."

Joel chuckled a little wondering who wrote such stupid jokes and actually published it. "Well it definitely was something," he muttered.

She set the book back into her bag and then she laid down beside Joel.

"I wish there were more peaceful nights like these," Ellie whispered, looking up at the stars that shone brightly in the sky.

Joel scoffed, "I thought you said you were bored?"

Ellie just laughed, "Nah, I just wanted an excuse to tell you a few jokes." She gave him a sly smile. "And guess what? It worked."

* * *

**A/N Even writing this, the stupidity of these jokes crack me up. I hope you enjoyed! I really love writing banter between these two characters. I'll write more fluff soon.**


	3. Unique and Tame

The chocolate colored rabbit rested near an oak tree, munching on the grass that surrounded him in patches. He didn't seem to have a care in the world and probably didn't expect that a full grown man was high tailing him with a bow and arrow.

Joel pulled back on the string, aiming the arrow precisely for the rabbit's small head, and while keeping a steady hand he let it go just as Ellie came up behind him and scared him slightly. The arrow flew haphazardly, landing in the bark of the tree rather than in the flesh of the rabbit.

Joel watched at the rabbit hopped away frightened and he sighed heavily in frustration.

"Hey I got a good one for this situation," She announced, coming to stand beside him, flipping through her joke book.

"Damn it Ellie you made me miss," he groaned, not in the mood for yet another joke.

Ellie was insistent though and declared, "I didn't make you miss, you just suck with the bow an arrow. Now let me tell you this really great joke about hunting rabbits."

The only thing Joel took from the conversation was the fact that Ellie told him that he sucked with the bow an arrow. "What you're any better?" He asked ignoring her request to tell a joke.

She scoffed as if it was obvious, "Yeah. I'm better with the bow, you're better with a gun. Just a simple fact Joel," she paused then added," Ready for that joke?"

"Why do I feel like I don't have a choice," Joel muttered, feeling as if Ellie was suddenly the one in command.

She laughed and noted, "Because you don't," then she laid her joke on him, "How do you catch a unique rabbit?" She asked.

Joel already began slowly creeping after the rabbit again that had hopped away earlier, and he asked quietly, "How?"

" 'Unique' up on it."

Joel couldn't believe that was the joke she had interrupted him for but he still chuckled a bit. "That's it? 'Unique' up on it?" He smirked, finally seeing the rabbit up ahead feasting on more clovers.

"No I got another one. How do you catch a tame rabbit?" She questioned.

"I don't know, how?" He asked focusing more on the rabbit than what Ellie was actually saying.

Her laughing cut off his focus though as she answered, "The 'Tame' way."

The rabbit must have heard Ellie's laughing and yet again it hopped away from the danger. Joel turned to face Ellie, "You scared it away again."

She put her book away and apologized half heartedly, "Sorry but, come on those jokes were kind of funny."

Joel gave her a look that showed that he was clearly not amused, even though the unique one had made him smile.

She cocked her head to the side and asked, "What are you unHOPPY?"

That time he laughed just because she hadn't gotten it from the book. "Since when have you gotten so good with puns on the spot?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Eh, I have a lot of time on my hands," then she took the bow and arrow from Joel's hand. "I think if I lived in a world where the Infected didn't exist I'd want to be a comedian." She said.

"What happened to wanting to be an astronaut?" He asked, recalling when she had said that she would have loved to be one.

She thought about it for a moment and replied, "Then I guess I would have been an astronaut comedian."

"Is that so?" Joel mumbled quietly under his breath. Sometimes he couldn't help but be amused by the way her thought process worked.

"I'll go get that rabbit for you since my jokes scared it away," she finalized, and then she began to head towards the direction of the rabbit.

When Ellie was out of ear shot Joel said to himself, "You are one heck of a kid."

* * *

**A/N Thank you for all the wonderful comments so far! They really make me want to write a gazillion of these, but I'm slowly running out of ideas/scenarios. So if you have any ideas tell me in the reviews and I might just use your idea (and give you credit of course). I will have the next one up soon. Thanks for all the support.  
-Krista**


	4. Windows and Bald Men

A few minutes ago they had decided to head inside what looked to be an empty abandoned warehouse. From the outside it looked like the perfect place to shoot a horror movie with all the broken windows, moss growing up the sides of the building, and the front entrance where the door had been beaten down and now laid rotten and decayed on the ground. Just looking at the building Ellie didn't have a good feeling about going inside, but Joel insisted.

They were running low on supplies, from ammo, to food, to new clothes, they desperately needed many things. Slowly by slowly their backpacks were beginning to feel lighter as they realized they needed supplies. Joel's logic was that they'd have to go inside to find stuff that people had left behind.

The only thing Ellie was worrying about were the Infected, especially the Clickers and the disgusting Bloaters. It wasn't that she worried for her own sake, but more so for Joel's life. If Joel happened to get bit or die she'd be alone. She would have no one and where would she be then?

Her suspicions came true because a few minutes later upon entering, they were both hiding behind a bunch of rusty barrels from two Clickers and three Infected that looked newly turned. Ellie felt sick inside as she watched Joel sneak around trying to be stealthy about his attack.

She watched him take out two Infected, and one Clicker silently. Then there were only two left. But Joel had stepped on a shard of glass and the Clicker's horrid face snapped up searching for the sound.

Ellie watched as Joel tried to back away, but suddenly the Clicker and last Infected had heard him and the next thing Ellie knew they were after him. She watched in horror as he shot the Infected straight in his face making him crumple to the ground, but the Clicker got a hold of him.

She acted in fear, without correctly aiming her shot, and then she blasted a bullet through the Clicker's head almost missing, and then watched it also fall to the ground.

Breathing hard, she ran to Joel who also seemed out of breath. "Are you all right?" She asked shaking.

"Yeah, I'm good," he reassured her and she felt a wave of relief wash over her. If she had lost Joel she wouldn't know what to do. Sure they had been through enough attacks and she was used to the close calls, but slowly and surely they were getting to her. Wearing her down. She felt empty inside and she took a seat on the cement floor.

"What's wrong Ellie?" Joel asked worried, crouching down beside her.

She breathed heavily trying to stay calm and brave. Then she answered quietly, "I just. . .I don't want to lose you Joel. That was so close. If I lost you. . .I don't know what I'd do."

He took a seat beside her, reaching into her backpack. "What are you doing?" She asked. Joel never just randomly dove into her backpack for things.

What he handed her was not what she was expecting. It was her joke book. "Here." Joel stated, putting it in her hands. "Tell me a joke."

"What, why?"

"You'll feel better if you tell me a joke. I even promise to laugh," he teased. This was his way of making her feel better but she didn't know if she felt up to it.

She shrugged and pushed it aside, "I don't really want to Joel. I can't stop thinking of you dying and me being alone." Her mind was racing with unnecessary thoughts about death and Infected.

"Please," he begged silently, "for me."

She took a deep breath and grabbed the book, flipping it open to a random page, "Why did the house go to the doctor?" She asked half heartedly.

He shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. . .why?"

The corners of her lips pulled up into a tiny grin, "Because he had window panes."

They both laughed at that despite the situation and she turned the page for yet another joke, finally feeling a bit better than she had before.

"Okay prepare yourself Joel," she joked, "This one is super good," she said finally acting like her old self again.

Joel just chuckled and replied, "I trust your judgement."

"Okay. . .Why did the bald guy put a rabbit on his head?"

Joel just gave her a strange look and offered, "Because he was crazy?"

"No," she paused for emphasis, "he needed hare."

They both laughed at how dumb the joke was and how bad the jokes seemed to continuously get.

"Ellie," Joel started, setting her joke book aside. He tucked a strand of her behind her ear and whispered, "I will always be here for you. I promise."

She felt better almost instantly, "I know you will. Thank you. For everything."

"Now can we throw this damn joke book away?" Joel asked, standing up and stretching his legs. Ellie stood up along with him and laughed in his face. She tucked the joke book back into her bag safely.

"No fucking chance."

* * *

**A/N I decided to try my hand at something a bit more dramatic with a touch of humor. If I was in Ellie's position I doubt I would be half as strong as her, but I do think at one point she'd freak out and break down, so I thought this chapter was kinda necessary. I don't know how in character I was with her in this chapter but I hope I did her justice. More to come, so stay tuned for this joke book adventure. (:  
-Krista**


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